Don't Mince Words

Since my first week of unemployment was unseasonably cloudy, I gave myself permission to extend my slackness into a second week. I was on a mission to be less white as well as to socialize with my other out of work friends (outties).

I was very excited on Monday when it was hot and sunny, I just forgot to check the beach forecast. Ten miles west, it was overcast, but I was armed with a book and podcasts. I had enough to entertain myself until margaritas at hardship hour with my outtie.

Tuesday I went to an outtie’s house to float in the pool. We talked about educational marketing, social networking, boys, and job leads. She reminded me to reconnect with a mutual HR friend we know at an agency. Glad I did – his digital agency is hiring.

Wednesday a former coworker, who shared the same last day with me, and I went to the movies, catching an 11 a.m. screening of District 9. I’m not much of a sci-fi girl, but this was a good movie. Once finished, we got our popcorn lunch and strolled into Julie & Julia. The senior living facility must of purchased a block of tickets because this was the first matinee I’ve ever attended where the adult diapers and walkers outnumbered the strollers and pacifiers. The Julia Child portion of the story was great. Julie you’ll hate. Just another whiny 20-something with no career direction. But if you can see it for free, it’s tolerable. I wrapped my day with two martinis at Lola’s hardship hour followed by a hilarious game of tennis with the boyfriend. My backhand never looked so good.

I got down to business on Thursday and decided to clear out piles of old business cards in my desk. I wanted to build my network on LinkedIn so that my contacts outnumbered my Facebook friends. I also defriended former coworkers. Most of them aren’t “friends”. Seriously. But the ones that matter and I care about I added to LinkedIn. Friday I continued to look for jobs and respond to LinkedIn requests.

My unemployment claim form still hasn’t arrived. Oh, sweet broke California, do not disappoint me. Not now when I have tan lines to maintain.

It is fun to watch the expression on people’s faces when I tell them that every career move I have made, with the exception of a move to Richmond, Va. for grad school and my California move, has been a result of a layoff or to avoid one. Confusion and concern are dominant reactions. Like a wife married to a beater, layoffs are something I’ve come to expect as a marcom professional. I look forward to them like a vacation because I can get caught up on my reading, writing, crafts, and other randomness.

This layoff is different because I’m not alone. I have lots of friends that beat me to the curb, which means I have playmates. My first week was designated as approved slackness. I was going to get tan and drunk all week long. Unfortunately, the marine layer didn’t cooperate, so I finished a book, and had two lunch dates with my various unemployed friends who are not really looking because there is nothing out there.

My layoff required me to layoff my dog walker. Now I’m home all day with the dog and I’m beginning to understand why my mom friends hate summers with the kids. I can hear his “I’m bored” moans under his breath with those “hey, you are home let’s play” looks. I’m mentally prepared to stay out of work a long time, because that what “they” are saying, but I can tell you that going back to work is going to be hard on this old dog. He likes having a playmate too.

When I moved to LA, the joke was to get anywhere you need to go between 10 and 2. That’s no longer the case because traffic is all the time. Stores are full and everyone is on the roads… probably because they don’t have jobs. My local Starbucks is mixed with the usual skateboard slackers and normal people like me. Same is true during my mid-day Target and Ralph’s runs.

Ditch the economic models and take a walk around. That will give you a real state of the union.

This is going to be a long vacation. Better get some more SPF 30.

I know I’ve spent the past six years bemoaning the labor of dating in Los Angeles. I’ve felt like I’ve been one part relationship anthropologist, one part therapist, and an off-and-on investigative journalist. But I know my observations and experiences aren’t far-fetched because I run into men and women everywhere that have similar stories.

I recently connected with an acquaintance from home, also in her mid-40’s, who has lived out here four years. Over lunch we compared and contrasted our dating stories.

“What happened to the old ritual of courting?” she asked. “I feel like I have one or two dates with a guy, then everything after that is a hang-out. They don’t want to do stuff or bother to get to know me.”

I followed that with my thoughts that there are not a lot of masculine men in this town. That theory was confirmed early on by Dr. Pat Allen who said a town with creative men is a town filed with effeminate men who don’t play the male role. They want to be chased… like women. That doesn’t leave us a lot left to date.

My friend also made a comment about conversation. “I learned very quickly to dial it down. I think I offended people because I would not hesitate to offer my opinion.” That made me laugh hysterically because that was one of my first lessons in a corporate environment. “God help you if you have an opinion. You have to keep everything neutral so as to not shock sensitive people,” I added. But a lot of that has to do with the fact we grew up in D.C. Everyone is smart and reads and has opinions about everything. Out here, there are a lot of people who don’t have degrees, let alone advanced degrees. So, girls like us have to dumb it down.

I proceeded to tell her that I had hit the jackpot dating and I felt like all my bad date payforwards were redeemed.

“Get this – I’m dating a guy that has had the same job for 10 years, earned a MBA, owns two cars and some property, is NOT a California native, and is divorced with a wife and kid living across the country. He plans three or four dates a week, picks me up, and doesn’t hesitate to pay,” I told her with great sarcasm.

She was amazed. “So, you have real conversations and real dates.”

Dating is a numbers game, no matter where you live. You just need to know what you want and be patient until you find it. My new friend just left for an internship back in D.C. at the Library of Congress. She’s working on her second master’s degree. She says she’s happy not dating in Los Angeles. “As long as there is good weather, that’s my company.”