By Marna Bunger
Marna Bunger is a writer in Los Angeles.
July 16, 2004
If you were to identify founders of Internet community-building, Craig Newmark
would be the granddaddy on the list. The 50-year-old programmer founded Craig's
List in 1995. Today, he has to fight off venture capitalists who want to buy
him out.
Newmark doesn't know me personally, but he's been in my life off and on for
the last five years. He's brought me job prospects, sold my car, found me apartments
and redistributed my furniture when I moved from New York to Los Angeles. Most
important, he has gotten me dates.
My New Year's resolution was to have one date a week. As with all my resolutions,
I lost momentum in February. I immediately turned to the L.A. division of craigslist.org
and placed a personal ad under "women for men":
You Deplete Me -- 38
Date: 2004-02-19, 8:54AM PST
Am I the only woman who wanted to throttle Tom Cruise when he uttered those
three words, "You complete me." I'm complete. I'm looking for someone to complement
me.
Is there a man in L.A. in his 30s who knows what he wants to be when he grows
up? He might also know a few 3- or 4-syllable words and know the difference
between Celia Cruz and Tom Cruise.
My only physical requirement is this mystery man must be taller than 5'10".
No disrespect to the vertically challenged, but I don't like guys talking to
my nipples. I'm 38, an Aquarian, in the creative field, East Coast transplant
and have a master's degree. I'm also 5'9" (maybe 5'11" if I Jersey-fy my hair),
blue, auburn, white. Love the outdoors, yoga, and periodic visits to the gym.
Be decent, normal and well-adjusted. I am; surely someone else in this town
is too.
I thought this was an OK ad. It was a little sarcastic but funny.
I was hoping someone of intelligence would see the beauty in the ad and respond.
What I forgot was, where there are free personal ads, there will always be critics
and people with too much time on their hands — at least in L.A.
Responses poured in. I soon realized there must be a lot of angry, short guys
in L.A. I was amazed to receive so many negative responses to a personal ad,
and even more amazed that people spent time to respond negatively. "Love to
see how you'd react to a 5-foot Asian doctor married to a black woman, and the
best heart surgeon in the country ready to operate on you to save your life!
Would you LOOK down your nose at him and say, 'Oh, you're too short to operate
on me!' Get the point pinhead?" wrote one respondent.
That's when I snapped.
Somehow my preference for tall men had been translated into racism. Other than
replying, which would be a waste of time, there was only one thing I could do.
I placed the same ad on the New York Craig's List. Within minutes, I got responses,
positive responses. It reinforced my belief that what happened on the L.A. site
was just a symptom of the L.A. environment. My New York would-be paramours told
me I was funny and refreshing. They got me. Sun-soaked and self- absorbed, the
Angelenos were caught up in the pursuit of nonexistent perfection. The New Yorkers
were more based in reality.
After a few days, the L.A. e-mail frenzy died down. I decided to survey my gaggle
of 30-something girlfriends. At least half a dozen women I know in L.A. have
had similar experiences with the personal ads they placed.
One friend did what I did, placing ads in L.A. and San Francisco. She too received
nice, normal responses from San Francisco and a handful of negative replies
from L.A. people.
I've quit the personals habit. The ads are interesting to read, but after my
last experience, they yielded more grief than viable dates. Perhaps Newmark
can develop free, online counseling for the L.A. community.
Copyright 2004 Los Angeles Times