310-xxx-xxxx: I know u dont remember me and you dont have to txt me back i just wanted apologize. i always had a lot of fun with you.
This number wasn’t in my contacts. When I date someone, I wait six months then delete just to avoid calls and stalking.
Me: Who is this?
310-xxx-xxxx: Dude you didn’t have to txt me back. I was watching porn and saw a girl with red hair and it made me think of you. You made an impression on me.
Me: Wow. That’s some impression. Best of luck self-pleasuring. Text me again in another four years.
Just when I think I’m out of material, they re-appear. I wonder if he had his keypad on voice command.