Don't Mince Words

As I continue to network and build my LinkedIn empire, there is an undercurrent of panic. I know I have about 45 days to find a job before everything stalls until 1Q10.

I had four dates with my Outtie friends this week. Three of them aren’t even looking. They are enjoying their sabbatical away from tools, underachievers, fakers, and other corporate frustrations. I understand that, but I guess I’m so used to getting laid off that I tolerate and even embrace my workplace (hello characters for writing material), no matter how awful, because odds are I won’t be there long or the business won’t last.

While checking in with a headhunter, I asked her to give me her brutal opinion of the marketplace. “Honestly, for people like you with an advertising or marcom background, it is no different than the dotcom crash or 9/11. It’s just not that bad. People are talking because what we live with all the time other industries are now experiencing,” she said. I think I have to agree with her. I’m finding jobs, even at my level, and I’m getting calls, and this week I had another phone screen. Hell, I even had an acquaintance re-emerge via LinkedIn requesting ghostwriting services.

IMHO, things are looking up. Who knows, maybe I’ll have a job by Halloween. That didn’t stop me this week from telling the bartender at the Daily Pint I’d work under the table for him. Girl’s gotta have a backup plan, even if it involves IPA.

So, while my friends continue to take it easy, I’m still operating under the assumption that looking for a job is a full-time job. I’m working hard to get out of the apartment so that Tex can resume his regularly scheduled programming: full-time, uninterrupted napping.

OK, where has the time gone? It has really been a month since I’ve lost my job? Really. If I were to describe this week I’d have to say “socially bananas.”

It was Labor Day week, so there were a few cookouts. In between all that, the boyfriend decided to infuse some music in my life. I can honestly say in one week’s time, I have seen Cheap Trick, Poison, Def Leppard, AC/DC, Fishbone, The Donnas, The Pricks, Shiny Toy Guns, Korn, and Nico Vega. It is the distraction from reality I need to get through the week.

Of course the week ended on 9/11. I went with a fellow Outtie to Pepperdine to see the flags they put out for all the victims. It was a spectacular site up against the Pacific Ocean. It almost felt like the rows and rows of white tombstones you see at Arlington National Cemetery. Afterwards, my friend and I recounted our downtown/Brooklyn memories and the months of aftermath. I got a sweet email request from a girlfriend who now teaches high school. She read my 9/11 account to her class as an example of personal essay. Very flattering and hopefully it puts a first person perspective on an event high school kids barely understand. We finished the day with drinks at Dukes because it seemed like the right thing to do. Early in the evening I had a PTSD-induced scare when the Space Shuttle re-entered the atmosphere and created a sonic boom. Tex barked and I was sure a plane had hit somewhere nearby.

On the professional side, I had a nice interview with a pr agency downtown. On the drive home, I got slightly depressed when I realized I’ve had one interview in a month. One. I was averaging better than that first quarter. What can I do? Nothing but cash my first unemployment check which finally arrived.

I have to get a job soon, if only to rest. My availability is creating severe social distractions while my tan fades.

My week started out of town. The boyfriend took Tex and I to Vegas and then up to UT to check on a condo he’s trying to sell. My excitement was centered around Tex’ first real road trip. Vegas baby. We stayed in a four-star, dog-friendly hotel where the dood was treated like a king.

When I got back, I had accomplished my short-term goal of getting my LinkedIn contacts to surpass my Facebook friends. Not only that, I reconnected with a recruiter and scheduled and interview. So, hooray for the power of social networking.

I saw two friends this week who told me that unemployment was agreeing with me – I appeared very relaxed and refreshed. Makes me wonder what I’ll “look” like when I go back to work. I continued to discover more hardship hours with my Outties and was reminded by a writer friend that I’m making more money on unemployment than she is with three published books – so I should continue the quest for another day job.

My first unemployment claim form FINALLY arrived, a week late. Let’s see if the check is in the mail soon. I’m considering reviving the concept of pink slip parties like we used to have in NY after the dotbomb. With all the cheap happy hours I’m finding, it seems like sensible idea to connect Outties with booze and networking. Of course, all of this is selfish. It just gets me out of the house so Tex can nap in peace.

I don’t envy phone customer service reps in any business. It is a thankless job. But it has to be especially painful if you are working the phones for the Employment Development Department for the State of California.

My claim form hasn’t arrived, so another Outtie friend supplied me with a way to bypass the system and get a rep on the phone faster. I waited seven minutes for a human to answer the phone and this is what transpired:

EDD Woman: …(seven seconds of garble followed by) “How may I help you.”

Marna: “I guess you need my social security number to start with?”

EDD Woman: “No, I have that, it is tied to your phone number.”

Marna: “Oh, good. Well, I have received my Insurance Award notification letter, my Claim Filed letter, and the Notice of Requirement to Register for Work. But I’m in week three and I still haven’t received my first claim form.”

EDD Woman: “What is your Social Security Number?”

Marna: “I thought you said you had that.”

EDD Woman: “Please verify for me.”

Marna: I repeated the number for her.

EDD Woman: I hear clicking on a keyboard followed by, “Are you serious. For real? He can’t be?” There was laughter and it sounded like my phone rep was chatting with the woman on the other side of her cubicle wall.

Marna: After three minutes of listening to this woman talk to her friend, I broke in with “So, are you looking for my claim form status?”

EDD Woman: “What’s your address?”

Marna: “XXXX North Spaulding Avenue” blah blah blah.

EDD Woman: “Like the basketball?”

Marna: It was becoming apparent she didn’t have my record pulled up. “S-p-a-u-l-d-i-n-g”

EDD Woman: After holding with an open mic for another three minutes she said, “OK, we’re going to mail another claim for out to you tomorrow. Fill it out as best as you can.”

Marna: “Thank you.”

I’m sure I can fill that form out better than she can manage her phone manners. Seriously. For reals.

Since my first week of unemployment was unseasonably cloudy, I gave myself permission to extend my slackness into a second week. I was on a mission to be less white as well as to socialize with my other out of work friends (outties).

I was very excited on Monday when it was hot and sunny, I just forgot to check the beach forecast. Ten miles west, it was overcast, but I was armed with a book and podcasts. I had enough to entertain myself until margaritas at hardship hour with my outtie.

Tuesday I went to an outtie’s house to float in the pool. We talked about educational marketing, social networking, boys, and job leads. She reminded me to reconnect with a mutual HR friend we know at an agency. Glad I did – his digital agency is hiring.

Wednesday a former coworker, who shared the same last day with me, and I went to the movies, catching an 11 a.m. screening of District 9. I’m not much of a sci-fi girl, but this was a good movie. Once finished, we got our popcorn lunch and strolled into Julie & Julia. The senior living facility must of purchased a block of tickets because this was the first matinee I’ve ever attended where the adult diapers and walkers outnumbered the strollers and pacifiers. The Julia Child portion of the story was great. Julie you’ll hate. Just another whiny 20-something with no career direction. But if you can see it for free, it’s tolerable. I wrapped my day with two martinis at Lola’s hardship hour followed by a hilarious game of tennis with the boyfriend. My backhand never looked so good.

I got down to business on Thursday and decided to clear out piles of old business cards in my desk. I wanted to build my network on LinkedIn so that my contacts outnumbered my Facebook friends. I also defriended former coworkers. Most of them aren’t “friends”. Seriously. But the ones that matter and I care about I added to LinkedIn. Friday I continued to look for jobs and respond to LinkedIn requests.

My unemployment claim form still hasn’t arrived. Oh, sweet broke California, do not disappoint me. Not now when I have tan lines to maintain.