I may be the only woman in America that doesn’t like clothes shopping for myself. Get me in Home Depot, Williams-Sonoma, Amoeba Music, or Target and I’m a maniac.
My aversion to shopping probably began when I was young. I was a fast grower. I mean fast. I was so huge when I was four, my mother begged the church school to admit me into kindergarten. That’s when the thrift store shopping began. Digging through racks of used clothes to find something that I could wear for a couple of months. Long arms, long body and short legs. It was a nightmare. By the time my boobs arrived, it was official – I hated shopping, even for new clothes.
When Victoria’s Secret expanded to the east coast in the early ‘80s, it seemed like a fun place shop for undergarments, at least more fun than going to the “foundations” section of traditional department stores. But my first visit was my last because, at the time, they didn’t carry DD bras.
Now, with breast augmentation and a national obesity problem, Victoria’s Secret finally carries sizes I can wear. I was going back in thanks to a recent gift certificate from a friend. Unfortunately, I showed up during their semi-annual sale.
The experience wasn’t too far off from my old thrift store days. Women were picking through panties. Clothes were on the floor. I stood next to a woman my age going through the medium panty bins and asked her, “Do you think this is worth it?” She said she didn’t think so. It was pandemonium. Were a pair of $3.99 underwear really worth the effort when I could walk into Target and get my three-pack of Jockey’s in less than three minutes?
My solution was to venture over to the full-price displays and quickly pick a couple pairs of panties. Getting the matching bra was entirely out of the question because the line for the dressing room was as long as the line for the cash register. My mission was to get out of the store before the women and pissed-off husbands sent me over the edge.
I love shopping for other people, especially men’s wear. My father used say I was like a smart bomb when I shopped with him. I knew which door to park near so we could get in and out. I have $50 remaining on my VS gift certificate, but I’m not going back until I better plan my visit…. off-sale, remote location, helpful sales staff, and no line for the dressing room.
Until then, the bra and the panty are not going to match.